Well, here I am... barely hanging on by a thread. After two weeks of winter break from teaching, I'm back in the game, and it has truly tested my no-spending challenge.
An unexpected roadblock arose, during the past week: last Thursday I hit burnout and had ZERO energy to do the work I needed in order to get back to teaching yesterday.
It was hard to get out of bed. It was hard to move. Pretty soon, I was melting into tears on the phone with my bestie, who has warned me in the past of over-teaching.
I go through this from time to time. I think I can work all day, every day, until one day I can't. This particular semester, I was working 6, sometimes 7 days a week because I was concerned about staying above ground in my first year of holding a lease.
This was a huge mistake. I cancelled my lessons 10 days this semester, due to illness. All those extra days I worked, ended up backfiring big time. I've pretty much been sick for the past 3 months.
Well, I decided to take a little road trip and get some perspective. Do I have what it takes to be a solo entrepreneur in one of the most expensive regions of the country? I had heard about a little community in the Sierra foothills, so I made a few phone calls, hopped in the car, and got the heck out of the Bay Area.
A good friend Teri, knowing I was determined to stick to my commitment, handed me a wad of cash. "I won it betting on sports at a bar last night," she said. "We love free money. You need this trip. Use it." I was grateful. I did need a break.
Man, what a breath of fresh air it was to float up the mountain roads, filling my horizon with trees and an oxygen-laden sunset. I rolled into a teensy cowboy town that oozed with charm. My good friend Bill met me with a warm hug. He paid for my hotel room, saying he owed me a favor for stepping up during a hard time. The gods were looking out for me- and yes, I have been chanting daily to Lakshmi, the goddess of beauty, love and abundance.
Aunty Teri sponsored a night of touring the town's old creepy pianos; incredible farm-to-table creole food; and a stop at the local saloon to dominate the jukebox with George Michael. As we all sang along, Bill and I shared nourishing conversation. It was great to see an old friend who understood the long-term context of my meltdown.
The next day, I awoke and went to the coffee shop filled with new energy. I plowed through most of my work.
On the way home, friends of the family treated me to dinner and more amazing conversation. I felt supported and loved by the Universe.
Upon my return, I surrounded myself with friends and tried my best to get the support I needed. They helped me take care of my work, and I did my best to reciprocate.
So, I suppose I cheated, but I'm okay with how it went in the past few days. I still haven't personally paid for anything other than a few groceries, my gas, and some bills.
The thing I wasn't expecting was the support that has stepped forward. My commitment has forced me to allow others to help me. Rather than feeling deprived, I feel loved, and that is so much more valuable than I could have imagined. It was a true surprise.
Yes, I'm still learning a ton about getting organized and clean with my space; about getting creative with the freezer and about sharing meals with friends; about slowing down and keeping in check my relationship with the material world. All of those lessons are happening.
But in the meantime, I'm allowing the Universe to expand my definition of abundance. It's sharing.
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